A New Start

Live journal was the place my blog called home but I've decided to move it here. A different place for the different place I'm in.

As I write this I'm exhausted but have a lot to say. Monday, when we arrived back home I was full of ideas and inspiration. Tuesday, words flowed through my mind and all the things I was going to write. All though the thought in the back of my mind was that my Hubby would be in the hospital by night. He was tired and had a cough.

This is the same thing he has on and off for months. However, when the doctor said he was sending John to the hospital I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. The creative ideas that had been residing in my head were gone in a flash. Instead fear and anxiety had replaced them. John has been in the hospital a few times since we started dating back in 2004 so this should be old hat to a certain extent. In 2005 when he got his first stint I sat in our Family room and thought about how big this house really was for just me. It was a thought that gripped at me until I knew he was OK.

So even though this is old hat this didn't matter when a harsher reality came to mind. A thought that I'm sure and hope will be light years away. Something happened as I drove home on the dark two lane road, my Wedding ring on my finger and John's ring right next to mine. His silver watch on my wrist and his bag of clothes on the passenger seat as the thought that there would come a day when I would be coming home with just John's belongs and not him. To think the man that is my partner, my friend and my lover might not be with me created a fear and anxiety that only added to my exhaustion.

It is so hard to find that person who truly is your soul mate. A person who knows what you are thinking without having to say anything. A person that is there to hold you through the bad times and make the good times even better. Their smile in their eyes can delight your soul and make you happy to have them smiling at you. The simple times when just seeing a horse in a field can bring delight. A person's who excepts your faults and all but still loves you no matter what.

I know I'm lucky that I have found my soul mate. He is a gift and whatever time we have is a gift as well. So each day for us will be that much more special. Our life is a gift and I only wish that other people can find there life partner and enjoy every minute they share.

Comments

Popular Posts