Healing after many years.
I was a statistic in the 1970's. I was one of the few kids I knew of whose parents had separated and eventually divorced. There was no right or wrong on how to real handle or deal with it not like there is today. Still really is there a text book right or wrong way to deal with it? Each child is different as well as each parent. At the time of all this ciaos I, like most kids in my position took it upon myself to blame me for all of their problems even though that was far from the truth.
My mother gave me her side of the story painting a picture of what a bad man my father was. Her favorite thing to tell me was that my dad was her night in shinning armour riding a big white stead. However, she would say when she took off the rose colored glasses his armour was tarnished and he was riding a jackass. Was she bitter? Yes, but when you only have one side you obliging listen to her bash your father. After all she loved you, she was there when dad might not be.
Fast forward thirty-two years and after hearing my father's side of the story, mom was not as innocent as she appeared to be. She was not innocent in her deceit. She had her agenda that never really worked when it came to her making me believe dad was bad. For her best friend during that time to tell me that my mother hated my relationship with my father made me cringe. Yet looking to the past I can see the things she did to try to sabotage us. My dad has said recently that when he and my mother split he had felt that she had stolen me away.
So mom is gone and has been so for almost 18 years. In that time I've come to know more about her. My mother had something that would have been labeled manic depressive back in the 1970's but there really wasn't much they did back then for it. Even in the 1980's when she was hospitalized she conned her way and got a diagnosis of being burned out. Truth was she was Bipolar just no one knew it. Maybe had she gotten help she would still be here. Then again maybe not. Looking back over the past with different eyes has allowed me to put the missing pieces of my life in place and make sense of my childhood. Why is this important? Because maybe when you can truly figure some things out you can fix things and change your life for the better.